Edited excerpt taken from Chapter 3 in Beth's new book, "Satisfied Lives For Desperate Housewives." This book make a great study for chick friends ... consider getting your friends together for a Bible study! For the complete chapter and entire Bible study click here.
Are you desperate for a better marriage? A marriage made in heaven? You can be sure that no matter what condition your marriage is in, there is only one person you can control and change. Guess who it's not? It's not your husband; you can't control him, although many wives try! The only person you can control and change is yourself, ladies. The only way to totally embrace God's plan for your marriage and make the choice to be a giver — focusing on your spouse's needs rather than your own — is to be secure and fulfilled in your own relationship with God. The Proverbs 31 woman had a great marriage and she knows something about her role and how to bring out the best in her husband and in their marriage. Let's begin. Let's see what she does ...
She Does Him Good
The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. (Proverbs 31:11-12 AMP)
Trust is a huge issue in marriage. Jealousy, anger, rage, accusation and suspicion stem from a heart of distrust. Cultivating trust in marriage will bring a great deal of peace and tranquility.
Listen to the way a few other versions of the Bible translate verses 11 and 12.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. (NKJV)
Her husband can trust her, and she will richly satisfy his needs. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. (TLB)
Let's look at that verse again in The Living Bible and talk about this phrase "richly satisfying his needs." (I know, I can hear some of you screaming, "What about my needs?? It's always about his needs!" Just calm down, we'll get to your needs later.) I love Dr. Laura's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, in which she hits this topic with force. According to numerous marriage experts, our husband's needs can be boiled down to these basics:
She Gives Him Affirmation And Admiration
... let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. (Ephesians 5:33 AMP)
Yes, you know your husband has faults—so do you! Criticizing and finding fault is the easy part. The challenging part that goes against our human nature is to focus on our spouse's strengths.
In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him-to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (1 Peter 3:1-2 AMP)
This passage goes against our culture of male-bashing. I am all in favor of women being strong and independent, but at the same time God wants our marriages to be healthy, flowing with His structure and blessed.
To read Part Two, click here.
Copyright © 2007 Beth Jones Ministries All rights reserved.
