The dad thing. Father’s Day. For some it’s a big, “warm fuzzy” and for others, it’s tough to find a Father’s Day card that really fits. What is it about dads that so affects us girls? I know very few women my age who have warm, loving and functional relationships with their fathers. I can only think of a handful, but I know dozens and dozens of gals that struggle with a broken heart, low self-esteem, anger, resentment, a sense of rejection and emotional issues that have resulted from a dysfunctional relationship with their fathers.
It’s true...dads have a God-ordained place in our lives. Unfortunately daughters and dads don’t always enjoy the great potential that God designed in this relationship. What is it with the Dad Factor? Let’s talk about four types of “Father-Daugher” relationships…
1. Vanilla Relationships: This is the father-daughter relationship that has no flavor – it’s not mint chocolate chip or cookie dough, it’s just vanilla. There’s no real emotional connection. It’s a dutiful relationship - you send the obligatory Christmas present and the annual birthday or Father’s Day card. There is no real bond, other than biological. It’s not good…it’s not bad…it is what it is, unfortunately.
2. Teflon Relationships: A friend of mine coined this phrase which describes the daughter who’s decided that nothing her father does or doesn’t do “sticks” to her emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. If her dad has been consistently critical, overbearing or manipulative; or if he’s thrown the guilt-trip or martyr syndrome at her more than once, she gets Teflon. Keeping the relationship cordial, but distant is the way she protects herself.
3. Mt. St. Helen’s Relationships: These are the volatile, explosive, emotionally charged, “can’t go there” father-daughter relationships. Usually there has been some type of physical, emotional, sexual, mental, verbal or other abuse. The damage is so deep that apart from yielding to God’s love and forgiveness, it is not going to get any better. These opinionated dads are comfortable with the old school, “my way or the highway” paradigm. The result: dad often travels his highway alone.
4. Gakky Cookie Relationships: This is every girl's dream – the emotionally connected, butterfly kisses, sit-on-dad’s-lap, cry on his big and strong shoulder and talk about life and godliness relationship! A friend of mine has this type of relationship with her dad and it is sweet to observe. She’s in her forties, but on occasion her dad stops by her house to drop off a “gakky cookie” (a clown shaped sugar cookie, slathered with an inch of colorful frosting) just because she is his girl! These relationships happen when dad initiates communication, spending time, interest, and giving little gifts for no special reason. Daughters respond to dads like this with a deep sense of love and the emotional bond is unbreakable. I recently adopted my friend’s dad…and just the other day he had a gakky cookie delivered to my home. I love that man!
Dads – if you’re reading this and if the relationship you have with your daughter is anything less than the “gakky cookie” type, perhaps it’s time you took the initiative to reach out to her. Maybe it’s not too late.
Beth
